You know you're sick when...

…you're deaf out of your left ear because your eustachian tube is clogged with snot…snot that was probably pushed into the aforementioned tube when you were landing back in SF after being away for the holidays. Pain. Every. Time. You. Move. Your. Head.

…you have a tooth ache because (and you know this from a past experience of going to see a dentist about a tooth ache right after a cold) your left maxillary sinus, which just happens to sit riiiiiiiiiight next to some of the nerve roots of your upper left molars is also, yup, filled with snot.

…you have left eye ball pain. Probably because every other friggin’ sinus on that side is filled. With snot.

…you remain congested despite taking enough decongestant medication to kill a full grown cow (used to just be a small cow). You are now an obligate mouth breather. Which is attractive.

…your full time job has been replaced with blowing your nose. And now you have the rawness around your nostrils as battle wounds to prove it. That’s attractive too.

…you normally love cheese. Worship it. But someone offers you a piece. On a lovely peppered cracker. And you actually refuse it. Because the brie resembles your mucous just a little too much.