My prescription

As a licensed physician, I hereby do declare that it is high time I take my health care into my own snot-contaminated hands. In doing so, I will prescribe myself the only thing I know for certain that will resolve this asshole of a cold that I seem to have caught. Or who caught me. Whatever. Anyway, I know self-prescribing is controversial, but I’m going to go ahead an overlook that for the time being.

Here’s my RX: 24 hours in a hot shower with unlimited rations of cheese as needed and two times daily doses of multivitamins.

Vitamins. Those are a gimme. My immune system needs all the help it can get.

A hot shower. This serves two purposes. The steam is the only thing that effectively clears the congestion. Concurrently, I’ll have easy access to copious amounts of water to keep me hydrated. This, as many already know, is important during a cold. (Though I will admit that hot water is not very thirst quenching.) (Minor detail. Will work that one out while in shower.)

Cheese. Just because I love cheese. Just because there's no rule (not that I know of) that says you can't each cheese in the shower. And because for some heavenly reason, my taste buds seem largely unaffected by the viral interrogation of my head and neck. Thank goodness for that, as smoked gouda would not give me quite the same amount of pleasure if I couldn’t taste it.

Now let me just go and see about The Brit taking his day off from work today to be at my beck and call for cheese slicing and serving…