You know those moments when you feel old? Those moments when you walk down the street, you see a barely post-pubescent girl who clearly hasn’t learned her limits with mascara or eye shadow (or lip liner) quite yet…you look at her purple tights under her unflatteringly short denim mini-skirt, her white tank top/black bra ensemble…and the pink camouflage suit jacket with which she’s topped it all off. And you think to yourself, “Ohhhhh, that’s what’s in these days???” Either that or “Does this child have a mother?? And if so, should I call her?” Moments like those kinda make you feel like the days between you, a girdle, and some daily fiber supplements are numbered.
Well, I had one of those moments recently. Only not with a 15 year old who was so Desperately Seeking Susan (at least not today), but with the use of the English language.
I was sitting in my office at work the other day. And, in with the overwhelming smell of hospital-grade disinfectant, wafted the sound of one of the interns saying (in a tone that is soooooo stereotypically Californian), “Ohhhhh Emmmmm Geeeeee!!!!”
Did she really just…?? Yes. Yes she did. She really did just say the letters “O”, “M”, and “G” instead of just saying “Oh My God.” She didn’t text message it. Didn’t IM it. She spoke it. Out loud.
I stopped just short of booking myself a nice room in a geriatric living community that has a daily domino hour in the rec room when I realized that I must not be completely out of touch. I mean, afterall, I DID know what she meant by OMG. Do I get partial youth credits for that?
Sure. Why not. And while I still have a few days left in me before I trip on my slippers and break my hip, I figure if I can’t beat em, join em. Right? What the fuck have I got to lose? Or rather, WTF?
No. Wait. Let me do this properly. Double-u teeeeeee efffffffff?